About Me

An Escapist close to the world.

Friday, 8 May 2009

Saving my face.

"Preserving my identity is nothing short of a full time job."

When I first read this quote, it did stick to my mind however I didn't know what the writer would mean by such a saying. Yet day after day I found this line describing my state of disdain obstinacy and isolation from others.

It's my first year in college, and it didn't take me so much time to learn how to be utterly confident, how to gain credit, and how to defend my femaleness organism when invaded by-fake divas- inferiors. I also learned that my needs and demands come at the highest regards of anyone for I believe that I am with multi-potentials no one else has, for I believe that my life is different and for I believe that I'll be something big in the future, and no it is not arrogance but it rather is understanding for myself, it was more likely acknowledging who I am and what am capable of.

I've always had the fear that people would change and that my closest friends would be no longer granted, but I've never thought that it will be me who wants to repel her friends the one who will perforate their peaceful bubble. Yes it's me who alerted the crack of doom for our closed community. And believe me; it's neither a matter of profanity nor a matter of widening my social structure. However it's a matter of growing up.

For me-getting back to school days- I'd tell you that I'd had one of two choices either to mix&mingle with those friends or to end up alone. And to tell you the truth I owe them a lot. I've been always a part of a whole and I've never slept aching from loneliness with them, they were a bliss…they proved to be very supporting humans and true friends you take for life. It was safe but never enough. It was comforting but never me. For you can only comfort-zone with your tribe you can only belong to your native land.

So what happens when you leave your tribe? Let me decipher you the answer into persuasive lines, you shelf your identity but you never lose it, you just preserve it 'til you find back your tribe, accordingly you bring on the table what would only fit the new herd, still you've never brought what's like to be you! From my very own experience I'd tell you that there were times when I curbed my craziness in me so as not to be called demented, when I blind folded my sparkling eyes of brilliancy, there were some other times when I denied myself the right of having a best friend while being taken as theirs. It was hard to preserve my identity yet on the other hand developing it, but I managed to do it and succeeded as well.

I consider myself lucky because my not-tribe was of good people, they boosted my realization for life in the virtuous track, and they helped me building my own self in the way I've always wanted to be. They are the reason behind my mind sobriety and my spirit inner peace. And now when I get back to my college, where I find all kinds of hordes and tribes, I do only one thing I mingle and realize that preserving my identity and what's me is definitely nothing short of a full time job because am on the start of starting over with a new tribe that only fits me.

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