I've been having troubles with writing lately because of someone to be more specific, yesterday I tried writing my tribute to Obama's speech to Muslims that I eager to write since I watched him and I really needed to summon my talent to reply all the assholes who say Obama is bo2.
However I woke up today like my past 14 days depressed, I wore birdy around my neck, switched strawberry on to check my email, and before you knew it yes I don't usually wake up doing that but in my heart I carry a hope to find an email, or a message from him telling me that he regrets what he said and he's sorry for hurting his darling, and he probably wasn't in his mind and etc…
BUT as everyday nothing had happened, as everyday I live the dilemma of refusing the fact that he can live without me while I can't, yes the man who promised to cherish me 'til death is proving now that he doesn't love me nor regretting a word he said he knew that it would hurt my feelings, and that should kill any woman instantly but it does not. It strikes me by a pang of pain that make me paralyzed, I am often paralyzed in front of the synonym that I've to start a new life, and succeed, and that I've to challenge everyday 'til one day when I confront him with the "I win you lose" line. I want to revenge, and what I am writing now has nothing to do with my Friday love list.
Today I texted Nahlta with one of my daily mourn messages, saying that I can't even write a one line in my facebook status because am blocked, and she replied me to listen to optimistic songs, eating chocolates -which frankly is the thing that makes me still with you on earth so far-, and to write my love list right away. She said it helped her and it will definitely work for me too. I was numbly in pain to realize what exactly she wants from me 'til Selma phoned, and after a long call of fighting over a very trivial thing, she left me a very precious note that awakened me, I really wished that moment to record it, her words were genuine, oriented and out of mouth of a true caring friend. So now I'll begin my list.
1. Nahlta; bestest of luck dearie in your big opening exam tomorrow, I know you're probably shivering now from the exam and the swine flu. But I prayed for you.
2. My cherry kitty friend; her name is Noha and she's a 6 year old loving friend of mine, her smile makes my everyday, I am taking care of her like my daughter that I've never had.
3. My dad; and how he makes fun of every little thing I do, and today he declared that he wants to yegwazny to the first 3aress knocks our door.
4. The new bee2a song I am singing lately which took me 3 weeks to memorize its lyrics.
5. Radwa kamel; the one who's always popping a chat window on MSN exactly in the time when I begin my inner dialogue that I am a lonely person. And speaking of you, I always wanted to tell Dana fouad that I feel her genuine love to me that is so much reminding me of my mom.
6.I Loved my Pakistani friend Taimoor's message. and I am keeping his advice in front of my eyes whenever I collapse in crying.
7. God; I've always believed that you're my refuge, and that whatever you put me through is for my own good, so I am having patience.
8. AKHMAT; " I will let you loose in the busiest of streets but like a domestic cat, you will astray back to my door, I will throw you in the coldest of nights but like a Christmas gift, you will adorn my tree!"
I really wish that I could SLAP you.